OMG... This has to be the craziest shit I've seen in a while. I'd almost rather have the swine flu...

I've been thinking. You know, with everything that's been going on in society these days, maybe I should make the case for Soylent Green.

I mean, Heston is dead (R.I.P.) -- and so I don't have to worrry about him screaming in my face with knee-jerk complaints about my moral turpitude.

Here we go:

People Are Hungry -- If I hear about another CEO who has been 'shamed' into receiving food from an understocked food bank because Barack Obama squashed his yearly incentive bonus, I'm going to scream, myself.

On the other hand, the foodbanks are becoming increasingly understocked...

Ain't nobody go no gubmint CHEEZ?

Unemployed People Over 45 Are Fucked -- Did you guys catch the New York Times article about the former $70k business executive who has to debase, degrade and demean himself (and his entire family crest) each day by slogging to a $12-hourly janitorial position? Have you heard about unemployability being the new black? Why don't these intelligent, degreed, articulate, enterprising, job-needing, botox-using, foreclosure infected viruses just STOP TRYING to convince employers that they are vital to the workforce! I mean, they are still young enough to make the Soylent Green somewhat tasty. 

                                                                                                                                                            POTUS Wants Kathleen to actually MANAGE Healthcare -- If she is superhuman enough to survive       the vetting process, how the heck can Kathleen Sebelius possibly work with a meager $634 billion dollars to fix healthcare if fuckers over 45 are constantly getting sick?

T Boone Pickens Would Be Proud -- Look at it this way:

Ethanol is busted  and wind power can't get past the NIMBY("Those turbines are too UGLY to go up on our farm")-energized townsfolk.

Soylent Green is a FANTASTIC, optional source of cheap, clean and  GREEN Energy!

Don't gawk you fucker -- can YOU  financially afford to outfit your home with solar panels? I didn't think so.

Evidently, it's not enough to ....

.... first you hadda have a WEB PAGE. Then, you hadda have a WEBSITE. Then, you hadda have a WAPSITE. Then, you hadda have a BLOG... now you have to TWEET and SQUIDOO and PING and THWIRL -- until you're out of your fucking mind with nothing left to say.

Are you still TWEETING from your COMPUTER like a dolt -- or is your TWEET MOBILE? DOES your SQUIDOO have a VIDEO UPLOAD EMBED from YOU TUBE? Can you find 12 people who really give a fuck?

 I don't know how much more I can take. I had to HURRY UP and get on the bandwagon because I didn't want to end up soggy and on the skids like these printed-page fossils in front of the PHILADELPHIA INQUIRER (which went BANKRUPT today, BTW):

OK -- so this one is fairly short.

I'd been hopping about the Internet, leaving vacuous commentary on rendom newsblogs, when I saw something about the USBM scene. Since I wasn't born all-knowledgeable, I began my investigation. Apparently, USBM refers to United States Black Metal. This, I gather, is a darker version of Heavy Metal music.

I'm  so not getting the darkness of it, though. I heard some track from a few bands on download.com, and all I heard was the sounds of aggravated marching bands. The underlying melodies were brisk and jumpy... and the axes all did the same, 'angry' rifts as every other metal band.

Maybe the blackness of this metal music is in the words -- of which I have yet to hear; and so I cannot judge.

I think the artwork on the album covers of some of these bands is splendid! Not dark, at all.

I think that kids don't realize the actual quietness of fear ; and they consistently, over generations, associate it with loudness and obviousness.. True fear and darkness is  brooding and silent; all-absorbing and unrelenting.

This idea led me to Dick Cheney. Worse than any USBM tune, this one man has managed to help our US Constitution show its first real signs of death and decay. He has politicized the Justice Department; spit in the face of our espionage workers; treated the will of the American People like -- the fuck if he should care -- the buckshot he illegally shoots in people's faces. (Did he ever pay a fine for not having a permit?)

The REAL USBM then, is the metal lodged in the heart of the next dead, American soldier who gets shipped home from Iraq; thanks to Dick.  If I knew how to cut an axe, I would be making some kick-ass albums about that .